the most interesting man in the world

Friday, September 11, 2009

while not yet into my mid-20s, i have come to accept that it's due time for me to become more responsible, more professional, and in a sense, more manly. no, i don't mean that in a derogatory sense, but there are certain qualities and material possessions that a true man's man should strive to attain. okay, the first step in becoming more mature is to admit that i did not really have such a revelation. in fact, i was more so inclined to create this post due to a combination of the film taken and the dos equis advertisements featuring the most interesting man in the world. consequently, you may receive this post as tongue and cheek or an actual, real world guide to manliness.

+ joint-lock or chokehold
reason look, i'm not telling you to join the bandwagon, start watching ufc, and sign up for jiu jiutsu classes. taken made it abundantly clear that men should learn some kind of defense/immobilization technique. sure, bryan mills was on a 96 hour quest to save his daughter from a lifetime of drugs and prostitution, but his manipulation of people's faces was awe inspiring. i can't verify the accuracy of this account, but an astute viewer on wiki answers placed the death toll in taken at 7,000. imagine compiling that body count or 32 even. personally, i can successfully apply the kimura and hammerlock on unfortunate individuals. i have yet to find myself in a situation where my skills were tested, but unless my foe is wielding a blade or pistol, then i'm pretty confident in my chances.

+ multi-tool
reason this is two-fold. actually, the reasoning should be many fold. as mentioned in the previous "article", a man with a blade is a dangerous individual. if you aren't adept at disarming a person, you might as well even the playing field and produce a blade of your own. i kid, maybe. additionally, a multi-tool is useful in non-life threatening situations. the original swiss army knife included a blade, reamer, bottle-opener, screwdriver, wire stripper, and can opener. if you can't find use for all of these tools, then you are either a) invalid or b) not a man's man. my grandfather always had a victorinox swiss army knife on him. fortunately, he didn't need to stab anybody, but it came in handy to open cans and tighten screws. these days, leatherman is the popular manufacturer for multi-tools.

+ drink of choice
reason drinking is the past time of a true gentleman. yes, that sounds corny, but it's true and by drink of choice, i don't mean bud light or pbr. men should have a "real" drink of choice, preferably one that includes fine spirits (liquor, fool). my drink of choice is the gin (tanqueray ten) and tonic (schweppes) with a sliver of lime. as far as "mixed" drinks go, it is among the quintessential man drinks for the mere fact that it was invented by the army... the british army... of the east india company. generally, people dislike gin because it tastes putrid, but i am not just any people... i am a man. on any given night, i can consume 3 to 4 properly made gin and tonics before embarrassing myself. there is no "official" ratio for the gin and tonic. thus, one may encounter a gin and tonic that is one glass gin with a splash of tonic or equal parts gin and tonic. either way, it is served on the rocks and garnished with lemon or lime.

+ lighter, pack of cigarettes
reason i am not advocating smoking. i do not smoke myself. having these items at your disposable is for illusion and conversation. numerically speaking, 19.8 million women in the u.s. are smokers. putting that number into context, 17.4% or for my purposes, nearly 1 in 5 women are smokers. say you are out on your nightly routine and hitting up clubs and lounges, you need a break once in a while and decide to step out. guess what friend? there will be a handful of ladies seeking a young man, preferably you, for your assistance in either lighting their cigarette or furnishing one for them. if you have a lighter snugly fit into your sportcoat, you are in luck as you've managed to break the ice without saying a word. while this tactic is not the most mature, it certainly is manly. of course, this is not a guarantee, but according to uncrate answers, why risk losing out on the possibility of making "friends"? if you do find yourself in such a situation, i can provide testament to the fact that it's effective.

+ preferred film, album, and book
reason if you have one of each, you are prepared for instant conversation. this is the cultural opposition to my advice to keep a lighter and pack of cigarettes. if you are conversing with people in a casual, non-bar setting, being or having the appearance of being cultured proves your joie de vivre. it's rudimentary proof that you have interests in life. it may change per conversation, but always have a set or at least one to provide when questioned. currently, my preferred film is inglourious basterds. my preferred film of all time is the good, the bad, and the ugly. if i can tell you have no interest in westerns or classics, my preferred film is either city of god, goodfellas, the shawshank redemption, miller's crossing, or drunken master 2. my preferred album is return to cookie mountain by tv on the radio. in some situations, my preferred album is only built 4 cuban linx by raekwon. generally, my preferred book is no reservations by anthony bourdain. this set of preferences has been partially molded by the reality of general interests and my own genuine favoritism. by the way, in terms of travel and dining, bourdain is the fucking man's man... that didn't come out right.

well, that's all for this friday. feel free to share your thoughts and suggestions. stay tuned for more tips on being a man's man in the future!

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